This guy plays a New Years Eve gig and afterward the club owner says "Great job, can you play again next year?"
The accordionist replies, "Sure, can I leave my instrument here until then?"


The difference between an onion and accordion?
People cry when they chop up onions.


What did people say when the ship loaded with accordions sank in the ocean?
Well, it's a start.


What's the difference between an accordion and a cat?
Only the cost, they both make the same kinds of sounds when you squeeze them.


The song most requested of accordionists?
Can you play Far, Far Away.


How do you make two accordionists play in time?
Shoot one of them.


What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump up and down on a trampoline.


What do a true music lover and an accordionist have in common?
Absolutely nothing.


If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a viola off a 20-story building, which one lands first and which way up do they land?
Who cares?


What is the definition of a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.


What is a bassoon good for?
Kindling for an accordion fire.


What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.


What is an accordion good for?
Learning how to fold a map.


What do you call a group of topless female accordion players?
Ladies in Pain.


What do you call an accordion player with a pager?
An optimist.


What is the range of an accordion?
Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!


What is the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathisers.


How do you get an accordionist to play in time?
Get them to play by themselves.


Why do some people automatically hate accordionists?
It saves a lot of time.


Why do Accordionists make good politicians?
They are used to playing both ends off against the middle.


What does a long court hearing and a bad accordionist have in common?
There is always a huge sigh of relief when the case is closed.


How can you spot a bad accordionist?
The lead singer can tell he is playing wrong notes.


How many accordions can you fit in a telephone box?
101 if you chop them fine enough.


What is the difference between an accordionist walking down the road with his accordion, and a goldfish swimming down the gutter with a banjo on his back?
The Goldfish has got a gig to go to.


What is the definition of perfect pitch?
Closing your eyes, turning your back and throwing an accordion into the bin without touching the sides.